I try to understand but fail


Lying crosslike on the operation table
I could not move, I was only able, to
see the eyes, calm quiet concerned
the face behind the green mask
I try to remember, but I forget-

My body half lifeless numb and stiff
I could not speak I was only able to
Breathe, frightening I heard my
heart beat and someone’s faint
talking, some
words audible some mumbled,
I try to understand but fail

Eyes meet the eyes as I feel a quick cut
a part of me slit,incised painless
speechless I remained,while some
talking I heard; my arms now stiff
I prayed for strength dropping into
sleepy numbness, I surrender

two unknown human beings, are
they angels from above, hidden behind
gowns and masks, I know not what they
do or how, but they are briskly active
I shake, I hear a voice’15 more minutes’
I meet the eyes calm and serene, confident
I feel secure, ‘its done’I hear talking
twenty minutes’ ‘ suction’ stitch, suction stitch’

Then I do not see the eyes anymore, nor
the angel figure, legs heavy start tingling
shivering takes over, I tremble with cold

more talking I hear,’
blankets’please, another one
”I am feeling cold’ an electric heater
throws welcome heat on my face
I cross my arms as if in embrace
‘The shivering stops -I feel empty

more eyes I see, more talking I hear-why this
room is so warm?hustle bustle around
my bed is pushed rolled turned
I feel nausea- I see personnel in green
am I smiling? yes, for others, for I am brave

inside, my heart cries, I wish to keep looking
in those eyes so calm, so serene so loving
giving hope of life and saying ‘all will be ok’

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